by Natascha Polomski – Food for Thought Blog
A few weeks ago, I skipped an accountability meeting.
Not because I meant to. Not because I did not value my accountability partner. But because the sun was shining, the woods were calling, and I knew I could not stay pinned to the screen. So I laced up my shoes, walked outside, chose trees and said NO to Zoom.
And you know what? I do not regret it.
That walk reminded me of something we often forget: self-care is not optional. It is leadership, not of others, but of yourself.
Why We Struggle to Say No and Put Ourselves First
Many of us grew up believing that saying yes was a sign of responsibility. Yes made us dependable. Yes made us valuable. Yes kept us included and liked.
Nevertheless, here is the cost: when every yes goes to others, there is little left for ourselves.
Moreover, when we finally reach exhaustion, guilt steps in. We feel bad for needing rest. We apologize for rescheduling. We overexplain why we could not push through one more commitment.
It is no wonder burnout is rampant. We have been conditioned to see self-care as selfish when, in reality, it is a matter of survival.
Taking Leadership of Yourself
Personal leadership does not mean controlling every outcome. It means owning your choices and the energy behind them.
It is the difference between:
Saying yes because you should versus saying yes because you want to.
Running on autopilot versus acting with intention.
Letting life pull you in all directions versus deciding what direction matters most.
When you take leadership of yourself, you begin to notice where your energy is leaking, where guilt is running the show, and where a gentle no could create more space for alignment.
The Courage of “No”
Here is the truth: No is not rejection. It is direction.
Every no clears the path for a more intentional yes. When you normalize saying no, you:
Protect your health before it crashes.
Make space for rest, joy, and play.
Teach yourself that your needs are valid.
No is not a dead end. It is a doorway.
What My Walk in the Woods Taught Me
That afternoon, I returned from the woods with more clarity than I had had in weeks. My mind was sharper. My mood was lighter. My body felt grounded.
Had I pushed through the meeting, I probably would have shown up distracted, tired, and resentful. Instead, I came back recharged and able to bring more of myself to the commitments I chose later.
Sometimes the best way to move forward is not through force. It is through pause.
Why Self-Care Feels So Hard
If self-care is so essential, why do so many of us resist it? Here are three big reasons:
Cultural conditioning. We live in a “hustle harder” culture that glorifies busyness. Rest looks lazy in a world addicted to productivity.
Fear of letting others down. Many of us equate boundaries with rejection. We would rather exhaust ourselves than risk disappointing someone.
Guilt and self-worth. Somewhere along the way, we learned that our worth comes from what we do, not who we are. Saying no threatens that fragile equation.
However, here is the reframe: self-care does not make you less valuable — it allows you to show up with more value, energy, and presence.
Three Practices to Lead Yourself with Care
Pause before yes. When asked to commit, do not answer immediately. Take a breath. Ask yourself: Does his align with my current energy?
Reframe guilt. Notice when guilt shows up. Instead of “I am letting them down,” try: I am lifting myself up so I can return stronger
Listen to your body. Fatigue, irritability, and brain fog are not signs of weakness. They are signals that something is amiss. Respond to them with compassion instead of suppression.
The Bigger Picture
Leadership of self is not about perfection. It is about honesty. It is about recognizing when you are overextended and choosing differently. It is about building a life that aligns with who you are, not just what others expect.
That is what self-care really is: an act of responsibility toward your future self.
Because when you take leadership of yourself, you create the conditions for everything else in your life ( relationships, work, creativity, health) to thrive.
A Final Thought
Walking in the woods that day was not a missed obligation. It was an act of alignment. And that alignment gave me something far more valuable than a ticked-off to-do list: clarity, presence, and peace.
So let me repeat it:
SELF-CARE IS NOT OPTIONAL.
It is about stepping into the leadership of yourself.
Food for thought:
Where in your life could a small “no” today create the space for a more meaningful “yes” tomorrow?